Welcome to this lecture.

Today’s topic is not so much a medical topic. It is more of a social/psychological discuss. The topic says NEVER WALK ALONE.

Now for Fertility health challenges, it is a common thing to find persons going through that challenge to initially find a coping mechanism after some troubling times.

For some people, they shut down. They ostracize themselves from society and make the barest minimum contact with people. They don’t want anyone reminding them of their challenges.

For some others, they live in denial. They dissociate themselves from the problem thinking that if they don’t acknowledge it, it would just go away. They constantly say nothing is wrong but deep down in their hearts, they are afraid, but they never let anyone see their fear.

For others still, they lash out at the world. They attack anything that comes their way. Its as if they feel that if they can’t be happy, no one else should be. They are unnaturally mean to those who should help them through their challenge, or those who remind them of their incapacity. They hate children. They make those around them miserable to hide their own misery.

One thing is common with these three categories of people; they do not want to face their problems.

A wise person said, the best way to overcome a challenge is to go through it. All the above approaches are employed by people who knowingly or unknowingly are afraid and confused about the condition on ground. They cry secret tears and find a way to hide their pain. They put up a front in a bid to get by, a sort of survival technique. This however only provides short term relief.

The Fertility journey is an arduous and tasking one. It puts a strain on anyone faced with it. But the truth is that it is not different from most life challenges. They affect almost every aspect of our life as at the time we face them. Challenges test everything in your life. Infertility is no different.

The reason why God created us as human beings is so that we can be there for one another in good and bad times.

What fun is it if you have a party alone? You need people to make it a party. What is life if you face challenges alone, pushing everyone away? Such a life is a miserable one.

The best way to overcome Fertility challenges is to go through it and the reasons are valid:
▪️You gain deeper knowledge and experience about Fertility matters than those who do not go through it. You will gain this knowledge and experience when you interact with people who have gone through or are going through the same challenge.
▪️Your knowledge and experience can be a life saver for someone else tomorrow. This is the circle of life.

Not walking alone is as important as walking in the right direction. For Fertility issues, a wrong turn on the journey can lead to devastating results which might inadvertently worsen the situation. It becomes imperative therefore to seek and find the right direction.

To achieve this, you cannot afford to avoid people, live in denial or transfer aggression to everyone around you.

So what are the steps one should take to overcome Fertility challenges?

1. Identify the challenge: Even spiritually, as seen in the bible, many times when Jesus wanted to deliver a person from an evil spirit, if he did not immediately recognize the spirit, he asked “what is your name?”(Mk 5:9) There is power in identification. You have power over what you can name. Identification is not the same as acceptance. You can identify a challenge without claiming it as yours, but you know it has come to you. After identifying it, you can then map out the strategy for overcoming it.

2. Get knowledge: Knowledge is power. Do your best to know all you can about the challenge. Don’t be tired of gaining understanding. The more you know, the more powerful you are likely to feel over the situation and having understanding puts your mind at ease which also works together to improve your reproductive system.

3. Get support: Find something/someone that motivates and encourages you through the process. All human beings need support. Going through infertility without support from those who actually care can make it more difficult. Belong to a support group. The little words you here from them gives you the strength to carry on when you feel weary, and you will from time to time as human.

4. Stay away from bad vibes: Stay away from anything that disturbs your mental health. If staying around children disturbs you and makes you feel worse about the challenge, stay away from excessive exposure to them. Don’t hate them. Find a way to show them love like anonymously donating to an orphanage or something while praying on your intention. If attending child dedication will disturb you, stay away. Wish your friend well and send them a gift instead and pray for God to use your gift to open your own door (Prov 18:16). If during the festive period this December, you know that going to the village will put you through a lot emotionally and you know you will not get any real support, don’t travel. Send your gifts home and preserve your mental health. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Yes, they might say you didn’t come because of this and that, but you won’t be there to hear it. Going there would not stop them from talking either. YOU FIRST.

5. Choose to stay positive: The most unique gift that every human being is endowed with is the gift of choice. We have the ability to choose things under our control like our mood, our reactions and responses to everything that comes to us. There are some things we cannot choose though (even though I wish we could😃) like what life/nature brings our way. For what we can choose, especially as it pertains Fertility health, let us choose to stay positive. You might ask how one can stay positive when faced with this or any other difficult situation? Well the answer is that choosing to stay positive creates a positive aura around you which attracts positive things to us. This is called the power of positive thinking. You can choose to think and believe the positive even in the face of negative situations. It is not easy, but it eventually brings positive results. We can have a whole lecture on this, but believe that dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings also attracts negative results. So what would you rather come to you? Stay positive. Remember though that staying positive is not staying in denial. Follow the steps like we have outlined.

6. Stay Focused on your goal: Your fertility goal is to have your own children. Stay focused on that. Do not allow those around you or circumstances arising as a result of the challenge to distract you. Have a plan for achieving your goal and stick to it. Keep reviewing and improving on it, learning, unlearning and relearning until your goal is achieved. Make effort and pray and in due time the result will manifest.

I’ll end with this story…

THE PREGNANT DEER

In the forest, a pregnant Deer went near a flowing river in search of a good place to give birth, she found the area safe. Suddenly labor pains began!

At the same moment a dark cloud fell and the lighting strike caused a fire in the forest. When the Deer turned left, it saw a hunter creeping with an arrow pointed towards it; when it turned right, the Deer saw a hungry lion coming towards it; in front of the Deer, there was where the flowing river was.

What will this Deer that is in pain do?

Will she survive?

Will she give birth to the fawn (Young deers)?

Will the fawns survive?

Will the fire consume them?

Will she die from the hunter’s arrow?

Or will the hungry lion tear her to pieces?

The fire, the hunter, the lion and the river all surrounded her;

What will she do?

The Deer has nothing to do so it focused on giving birth to a new life.

This is what happened as the Deer gave birth to the fawn:

•The lightning struck and put darkness in the eyes of the hunter.

•He released the arrow and while it missed the Deer, it hit the hungry lion dead.

•It started to rain heavily and the forest fire went off totally.

•And the deer gave birth to a healthy fawn.

Lesson:

In life, there are times we are confronted with so many difficulties that confuse our mind and give us negative thoughts and impossibilities, some of the thoughts are so powerful that they overcome and overwhelm us. Maybe we can learn from the Pregnant Deer.

The only thing that was on the mind of the Deer at that time was to give birth to a baby. The rest wasn’t in her hands, so any action or reaction that would have changed her focus that moment would have resulted in death or disaster.

Ask Yourself, Where is your Focus?

Where’s your Faith or Hope?

In the midst of the storm, keep focus on your Creator always, He will never ever forsake or let you down. NEVER!

Remember, your Creator never make mistake(s), neither does He sleep.

A strong person always keep their focus. Even with tears running down their eyes, they always say “I am OK” with a smile.

Be strong and keep the faith.